39 posts tagged “humor”
As I was going through my shelf of mending materials earlier this week at the library, I came across an unexpected find. You see, one of the books awaiting my attention was an older Hardy Boys mystery titled The Hooded Hawk Mystery. Even in my childhood, I'd never ever read a Hardy Boys mystery (though I went through most of the Boxcar Children), so I've never really looked at one closely. After opening this book, however, maybe I should have been aware of this smut sooner.
As I turned to the part of the book where the page was ripped out (and hence on my mending shelf), I scanned the chapter title. And I did a double-take. I had no idea that the Hardy Boys had such a smutty mind. Parents are worried about Grand Theft Auto while pushing books with chapter titles like these onto their children? Truly, this is a messed up world that we live in.
Don't believe me? Here's the offending page, as dutiful recorded for the ages. (And yes, I know that the word can also mean "a mistake or blunder", but you have to admit it's a pretty funny way to title a chapter taken in our modern context.)
Can practicing Zen save me from being iSad for the next month?
Wait, let me back up for a moment. My first iPod, a refurbished silver 4GB mini purchased two years ago, started showing signs of battery deterioration a few weeks ago. (Which didn't surprise me too much, since I use the thing like crazy.) It wasn't completely dead however, so I was determined to squeeze as much life out of it as possible. That is, I was until the following four seemingly unconnected events occurred:
- Apple announced their latest "refresh" to the iPod lineup where the Nano got fat, the Classic got more storage, the Jesus Phone got cheaper, but most importantly, the iPod Touch was announced. Music, video, the Internet and YouTube all in one super sleek and touchable device? Activate technolust!
- Being a volunteer in SPLAT (for the Idaho Commission for Libraries), I received a "free" 1GB Creative Zen V. (The only catch is that I have to demonstrate the new statewide downloadable e-audiobook service through NetLibrary, which is something I was going to do anyway.)
- I received confirmation that I would be receiving a $500 scholarship from the Idaho Library Association for my graduate school tuition. I'll be receiving the check at an awards ceremony in early October.
- My mother-in-law's birthday is rapidly approaching and the thing she wanted most was an iPod. (And it's just tradition for me to get everyone iPods, since I've helped spread the iLove to my wife, Anna, Drew and Erin so far.)
Using my super special awesome powers of craftiness, I quickly concocted a plan to combo all these seemingly unrelated events together for maximum damage. I shipped my dear iPod Mini to the tech doctors at Apple for a battery replacement so I can give it my mother-in-law for her birthday as a like-new iPod. Then, while iPod-less, I leverage my little Zen V to keep my necessary flow of portable music and podcasts going. Finally, once I receive my scholarship check, I will dub it my "iPod Touch scholarship" and use it to purchase a brand-spankin'-new 8GB iPod Touch.
So, with my perplexing iPod problem solved, now it's on to lesser difficulties that plague humanity. Do you think I should work on solving world hunger next or finding a cure for cancer?
(And how about a bonus question for the audience? What is the device name of your iPod or your inferior non-iPod music player? My iPod Mini was dubbed first Serenity and then Gryphon, while my Zen V is currently known as Dragon.)
Polymorph Any Object is one frickin' badass eighth-level arcane spell that can royally fuck with your favorite PCs. Did you want a save with that? Suck it up (at least in the realm of Paragon). How about at least getting to use your defense against a touch attack? Not with this one.
Ironically however, this insane transmutation spell can also backfire on game masters when they least expect it. Case in point was the use of this badass spell on my primary PC in Anthony's long-running Paragon campaign. The rakshasa uber-villain opted to use this on my bronze dragon (formerly griffon) Celeres to turn him into an adorable little lion cub instead.
However, rather than viewing this magical mishap as a setback, I quickly realized it was the perfect opportunity in disguise. You see, Anthony's campaign now bore a striking resemblance to a certain 1994 Disney feature film.
So rather than bemoan my character's loss of draconic abilities and the nuking of his physical ability scores (except dexterity), I ran with it as a full-round action. It would have been awfully hard for a large-sized bronze dragon to hop on top of the Counsel Meeting Table, but it's no problem for Celeres to do so in order to belt out his best rendition of I Just Can't Wait To Be King!
It's just like they all say: hakuna matata. Or, in Paragon-terms: hakuna ma-lemon.
ED: It's a gazebo, Eric, a GAZEBO! If you really want to try to destroy it, you could try to chop it with an axe, I suppose, or you could try to burn it, but I don't know why anybody would even try. It's a @#$%!! gazebo!
ERIC: (Long pause. He has no axe or fire spells.) I run away.
ED: (Thoroughly frustrated) It's too late. You've awakened the gazebo. It catches you and eats you.
ERIC: (Reaching for his dice) Maybe I'll roll up a fire-using mage so I can avenge my Paladin.
In lieu of a "real" update, definitely enjoy The Tale of Eric and the Dread Gazebo. (It also brought to mind Ernie's post about ga... loshes and other fun to say words, like gazebo.) It's almost as good as trying to save against a scene change. (Ask Matt or Anthony to post about that one!)
(Via DM of the Rings CXV: Misunderstandings Abound on Twenty Sided.)
L pointed out to me last night that I've been neglectful of my blogging, so I'm going to do my best to remedy that! I've already got a few post topics in mind, including an exciting conversation I had with Nintendo of America about the library's video game programs and thoughts about Living La Vida Facebook. Stay tuned!
If you thought Wii Sports and Wii Play were a bit lacking in terms of really unique minigames, look no further these Rejected WiiPlay Games. MASCULINE!
(Via Happy funtime Memorial Day video on Nintendo Wii Fanboy.)
As a follow up to my post involving hilariously random unicorn videos and the submission of my graduate school application, I bring you these updates:
- I received a letter yesterday with this information: "Greetings from the Information School! I'm pleased to inform you that the MLIS Admissions Committee has decided to recommend you for admission to the distance Master of Library and Information Science program for autumn 2007."
- Apparently, unicorns can go on other types of magical adventures with not-so-sugary goodness. Is it also land of sweets and joy and joyness? Watch the video below (but be warned of the prevalence of the f-bomb and themes not suitable for naive and/or innocent children).
(Via StumbleVideo on the Nintendo Wii.)
Although we celebrated two years of dOrange back in April, the origins of our little gaming group actually go further back. As much as I'm ashamed to admit it, the earliest history of our group can be traced to a New Year's Eve Party back on December 31st, 2004 where Jeremy, Sarah, Leslie and I played our first tabletop RPG adventure. The shameful part of the story is that the adventure was none other than the Dungeons & Dragons Adventure Game.
Consider the cheesy text on the back of the box:
Enter the world of adventure!
There's something moving behind that door...
Perhaps it's a vicious ogre waiting to tear you limb from limb.
Or a horde of zombies thirsting for blood.
Or maybe a terrifying dragon ready to engulf
you in a maelstrom of fire.Problem?
Nope. Not for you.
You're a hero--a powerful wizard, a strong fighter, or a sneaky rogue.
You can handle whatever comes
at you in this introduction to the greatest fantasy
game of all time.
I'm surprised we weren't turned off by this blatant dumbing down of a rich roleplaying game, but somehow we persevered. (Since when zombies thirst for blood? Isn't that a vampire thing?) Even when the very first adventure had us saving a lame-o unicorn from a bunch of goblins, we still wanted to know if we could kill the unicorn for extra XP. (Instead, all we were told was that, Alabern the unicorn, "can touch wounded characters with its horn.")
We've come a long way since then. It's a Paragon night tonight and I'm itching to get back into it after Squibblequick smote Anthony's computer last week, forcing us to delay the session. And then we're kicking of Matt's newest "evils" campaign, Anathema, on Saturday, granting us a double dose of gaming. Who knows? Maybe we will finally get to kill a unicorn this time!
If you're mean to noobs, you'll end up in this special video gamer hell, playing this Super Mario Bros. mod for all eternity. Sure, it looks funny here, but just wait until you're the one playing it in the fiery pits of gamer hell.
Brought to you by the Council of Noob-Friendly Gamers, reminding you to be kind to your noobs.
(Via StumbleVideo on the Nintendo Wii.)
Back in July of 2006, I tackled the QotD: You've got to blog! by answering the prime candidate would be my friend and college roommate Neill McGrath. Fast-forward to today and get ready to relish the roll, because Neill now has a blog for his famous stories! Seriously, go check it out!
Since Neill is now one of the blogging elite, it's time to pick a new victim. I'm going to stick to my guns and pick a tough customer: my brother Drew. He's full of funny anecdotes and philosophical ponderings. I vow that one of these days, he will succumb and strike up a blog of his own. (Since notes on Facebook don't count.)
